10 Tips on How To Get Back To Online Dating After A Breakup

How To Get Back Out There After A Breakup

a man after a breakup

Re-downloading dating apps after a breakup can seem like launching into space. Casual dating, even if it's not a pandemic romance, can be draining and frustrating if you're not prepared. On the other hand, dating can be a lot of fun and a fantastic opportunity to meet new people while figuring out what you want or where you want to go romantically if you can find it.

While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting back out there, I spent the last year conducting field research, fine-tuning it, and then asking relationship experts and InStyle readers for their top tips on casual dating. I absolutely embrace these recommendations, whether it's a rebound season or simply time for someone fresh.

1. First and foremost, get to know yourself.

Gurki Basra, best known for the Netflix episode Dating Around, provided some excellent advice on preparing before using the apps and venturing out into the field. "My most important piece of advice for someone who is just getting out of a relationship or returning to dating is to get to know yourself extremely well before dating," she says. "As you get older, your needs and desires change, and what you needed and wanted when you were younger may be completely different." Knowing who you are and what you want out of life is critical." Instead of comparing yourself to what you see on Instagram, she suggests taking a break from social media to reconnect with your intuition. "You're in touch with yourself enough to proceed in the relationship with maturity and understanding," the author adds if you do find someone you like.

2. Make a list of your desires.

Make a list of what you want from your perfect spouse before you start using dating apps. Don't be vague! Yes, the physical details are included. I started with a list and went over it every now and then to make sure I wasn't settling or making sacrifices on what I wanted for myself in terms of communication and affection. This will serve as a guide for spotting prospective love connections and advocating for what you want in a relationship.

3. Be open and honest about your expectations and boundaries.

Don't make the mistake of assuming that the person you're seeing has the exact expectations as you. Ascertain that the person with whom you're eating a meal is aware of your want to keep things casual and that you're on the same page. (If you really wish to keep things casual!) This will establish the tone and guarantee that you are not wasting anyone's time or taking them down a dead-end road.

4. Make a large net.

Remember, this is about experimenting with new things, determining what you want in a future spouse, and learning more about yourself! Keeping your options open will expose you to various circumstances, attachment types, and a crash lesson in red flag detection. Dare yourself to say 'yes to new experiences by dating around. One piece of advice that could potentially save you from heartbreak? "Don't get too attached!" advises Sarah*, a 28-year-old Brooklyn resident. On the other hand, rather than attempting to create a connection that isn't there, don't feel awful about shutting things off if you aren't feeling it.

5. Make an effort to enjoy yourself.

This should go without saying, but if you're unhappy and not at least a little bit enjoying the process, you're probably doing something wrong. "Dating should be enjoyable. "When you're having fun, the person you're with is more likely to be having fun as well," says Cher Gopman, the founder of NYC Wingwoman, a professional dating coach.

6. Start Testing!

Set clear boundaries and make sure you're both on the same page when it comes to sex. Practice expressing consent and becoming severe about discussing STDs to become more comfortable talking about sex. Discussing contraception is essential when it comes to keeping things casual and seeing a variety of partners. Covid is in the same boat. To avoid awkward situations, ask questions about how your data deals with the pandemic as soon as possible, especially if they have recently experienced symptoms and have been tested for the virus.

7. Go on a date with a goal.

It's priceless to learn how to handle red flags. Dating can help you figure out what you're looking for in a long-term companion and give you a crash education on how to establish high criteria and avoid dead ends. So, go over your list of ideas again! As you better understand what you want (and don't want), it may be time for adjustments. Looking back, I'm astonished at how my desires have changed with time and how closely they've matched my next relationship.

8. Be present in the moment.

"When you first meet someone you're interested in, there are three primary points to hit.“ Gopman advises, "Smile, ask questions, and relate." That also entails paying attention when someone is speaking. "Try to tone out your inner monologue so you can tell if the person you're conversing with is someone you enjoy talking to. "We're sometimes so worried about what to say next or whether someone likes us that we don't even notice if we like them," Basra adds.

9. Do a self-check-in and ask yourself some challenging questions.

It's all about you this time! Pay attention to your emotions, and if they cease being enjoyable, take a pause for self-care and introspection. "Dating can be about getting to know yourself as much as it is about finding the ideal companion. New people, difficult conversations, and novel experiences can help us better understand our own beliefs, needs, and desires, according to Jessica January Behr, Psy.D., a registered psychologist and couples therapist. You can also help yourself by asking yourself some uncomfortable questions. "Asking questions such, 'How do you present yourself?' What aspects of data pique your interest? Which one makes you want to flee? What are the fundamental values you promote or to which you are drawn? What is the source of these values?

10. Think about going to therapy.

When it comes to dating, my therapist has been the most helpful. I cannot emphasize the importance of therapy in learning how to recognize your attachment style, needs, and communication in romantic relationships. "Therapy can be a place where you can go deeper into your inner self, gaining confidence in your core desires and your ability to articulate them clearly to others," says Behr. To get started with casual dating, you'll need to figure out what you want, how to ask for it, and how to get out of situations that aren't working for you.